EVOO

I just broke open a new bottle of olive oil smuggled past customs and tossed out the empty, enigmatically kanji-ed one that, to me, is unreadable. Looking at the romantically rustic label and the familiar "Extra Virgin Olive Oil" brand I wondered if my old bottle was indeed "Extra Virgin" as well. The omelet was still gushy when I began to wonder what exactly made it the "extra". I have seen Spanish, Mediterranean, Greek, green, black, pitted and whole olives but never a simply, virgin; or for that matter, a post-coital olive: well, maybe the pitted ones fall into that header. It would seem that the category is black and white (either virgin or not) but Boboli and Carbonell keep insisting so I've decided that these particular olives must be doing something more active in their communities, like preaching abstinence. I knew people like these olives in high school and they can't be swayed so it's no wonder that trees have to deal with them too.
"Look it's your choice, but if it were me..." a phrase which inherently takes the "you" out of "your choice". "Look you can move to Spain if you want to, but if it were me, I'd think the food and language were dumb and move back home". I feel sorry for the poor virgin olives out there just trying to hang out around the branch but getting crap for not spreading the word.
"But the guys at the top of the tree really aren't that bad, I promise, and if you'd just talk to them for even a..."
"Stop it. I don't want to hear another word about those whores up top. You know what, sometimes I think you're just not virgin enough."
What with the economy dipping worldwide and gas prices slumping in the wake of an uncertain energy future, maybe there's a way yet to save some money. We can bring the "other oil" cost down and generate a little tolerance while we're at it: get more of the little guys on the market. Let 'em get some so we can too.