That`s Rich

Canadians may be well-intentioned and polite but quiet they ain't. In fact, if a painter were ever commisioned to 'Capture the essence of disparity between Western hooliganism and Eastern solemnity in the 20th century,' then I have seen his masterpiece. The sheer volume of liquor pumping between the two white girls who tumbled onto the midnight train out of Umeda is hard to gauge since they've just left an all-you-can-drink karaoke bar. But if you guessed too damn much, you'd be right. To be clear, they are wrecked, razzled, sloshed, plastered and blitzed. Their laughter which spread easily up into the station's vaulted ceilings found the passenger car full of J-Towners less inviting and they began shushing themselves. They work their way to an unoccupied pocket near the back, which is good because potentially explosive elements, fiery or drunken, should always be kept away from the greatest number of people. I should mention that I was not a simple bystander. I know them and I was at the bar too. But while these girls were downing drinks, I was belting out Rocket Man and Bohemian Rhapsody. I also paced myself and the combination lead to one sore throated, designated walker whose duties include operating Japanese text ticket machines, figuring train routes and decomplicating turnstiles.
While watching one of the girls tug on the vertical handrails like a lobotomized stripper, I catch Amanda asking an shy, older gentleman if he has any girlfriends. I try pulling her out of his face and with a suddeness not normally expected from the drunk, she snaps around to let me know that she was "just making some fucking friends." I wanted to ask her if a "fucking friendship" was always based on heckling or if they could really be BFF but after watching one of our friends wind down around her pole and crumple into a heap of shuddering white girl, I decided to let it go. On the other end of the car, thirty locals sit straight back with their knees together and stare off into a happier, less integrated place. I've managed to get Amanda talking to me and she lets me in on a "secret". It wasn't her secret but it belonged to an Asian student of hers. It was one of the most racist things I've ever heard in my life and also one of the funniest, probably, because it was about us: whitey.
"You want to know why (whisper) Japanese people don't like sitting next to us?"
I have 3 immediate guesses but, "Go on."
"Well, my trainer said it was because they're afraid they can't hold a conversation with us but a Miko told me something else today."
Wait for it.
"They think we all smell like butter."
I'll never really stop laughing about it. Won't shake the thought of my creamy aura repulsing Asians into the corner. Jin nudging Yoshi on the subway going "Dammit, man. You think they keep it in their pockets or what." Who would've thought?