In The Shadows

WARNING: Contains Strong Sexual Violence (err... not really)

Walking home after a late night teaching web lessons, I say bye to my friends who all live in an apartment complex further on down what may be called "Flower Street". As the group pulled off on their own way I talked with them and came up a little more left of my street than normal, which was lucky because I barely avoided stepping into a round of vomit left undoubtedly by some over-boozed salary man now clutching his spittle covered knees in a crouch somewhere in Juso. I was thinking about how to write that sentence in a blog when I heard gravel rustling in a lot to my left. I gave it some attention but kept walking toward my apartment not 10 yards up. The churning though turned loud and violent and then it straightened out into a gritty smacking pat getting closer moving now out of the lot and toward the road as a screech reared up both garbled and shrill. I yelped and tore ass for the apartment hallway before taking a look back. Under the road lamps, a mangled mass of fur rolled out into the wash of light and one could barely discern that the creature was two. Their run was cut short though and the roiling frenzy began again as the first gutter ferret overtook the other and began savagely humping it. With a small scream, the bunch seperated back into the two small matted creatures that they were and breathing heavy. As if silently signaled, one of 'em took off behind a building in a burst of gravel before the other could trail it and then all was quiet.
Previously I had only seen ferrets in the Beastmaster movies 1 and 2. Those ferrets could grab keys off of a sleeping gaurd or weakly bite at villains giving the blonde hero just enough time to break free and grab his sword for a killing blow. You could talk to them too, if you were the Beastmaster, of course. I imagined that they only had witty things to say or that they were at least polite company. Not like these gutter ferrets. But perhaps they were the same ones. Maybe with the unpopularity of the Beastmaster series and a souring economy those poor out of work ferret actors turned to the mean streets and then turned against each other. I don't know their story but if they ever come at me again I'm gonna kick 'em in the head.

To Rest

It was unthinkable. I came home from work. Undressed mostly by the door and unloaded the single grocery bag I had brought from the international store: peanut butter, pasta, chicken and curry. Then I stepped into the bedroom to find Dell laying silently on the table.
`Dell?!` I said.
When I left that morning she had just finished sending out some mail and was playing music before taking her usual nap. She`d nod off about an hour after I left so that we could play when I got home but something was different. Wrong. I went up and tried to shake her but she didn`t wake up.
`Dell, quit playing. Wake up.` I listened for a faint hum, tried to spot some dim glow in those lights I had known over the past five years but there was nothing anymore. I turned her over looking for some mark, burn or hole; some reason for her not to answer but there was none. `Come on, girl. Get up.` I started shaking her again more frantically, waiting for her little fan to flutter and when it didn`t I lost it.
Pumping on the power button over and over I heard her stiff, cold frame nearly cracking and kept on still. `Not like this girl, you can do it.` Quiet. `Come on, damnit. Boot! You got it just... just... please just one whir. One... one click. One...` Quiet.
I called the tech support at web school but I knew it was too late. They couldn`t talk me through anything I hadn`t tried and so I hung up to be alone with her. I reached over shyly and let down Dell`s lid for the last time.
I know it`s selfish but we just bought the internet together and now I don`t know what I`ll do. If I may, I`d like to ask for a moment to remember Dell. College computer, partner in pirating crimes, editor, travel buddy and one heck of a processor. Enjoy the long sleep mode girl, you earned it.

Afterword

To head off some of the inevitable critics, let me be clear. Sure, in our time together I had been with other computers. I`d been to `those` cafes sometimes but I wasn`t proud about it. And yeah, I came home more than once with another IP address on my USB drive. For that I am sorry. There were times when I just needed more power in a PC and I can`t take it back. I always cared though and I just wanted to say, `Dell, you didn`t deserve this and I won`t let your memory Hibernate.`

Culture Jostle

I've been thinking for awhile now about some piece that is actually representative of my experience in a foreign culture, or at least minorly reflective. Up until now my anecdotal bits could take place, frankly, anywhere and I've been getting pressure from friends to share some experience: "J" it up a little. The big differences could be read about anywhere: the food quirks, technology curve, fashion trends or cultural norms. But the slight differences, the casual happenings, are more telling.
So here it is.
A top ten that might not give anyone a culture shock but maybe just a culture jostle.

10- Rice
The mashed potatoes of the east. It might not be a surprise but this starchy little food is everywhere: entrees, omelets, to-go ball form at convenience stores, even in desserts and pastries. Everywhere. Everywhere.

9- Magazine Poachers
Crowds of folk gather at magazine racks and read cover to cover whatever happens to catch an eye for half hours at a time. There's no clerk shouting "What we're a library now? Get outta here!" Nothing. I don't even think they're for sale.

8- Convenience Stores
And boy are they. Far from a trash food and soda stand; Lawsons, Family Mart, Sunkus, 7-11 and (my favorite alliterated shop) Marty-Mart all provide the following: domestic postage, utility bill payments, event ticket sales and Kinko's style printer/fax services.

7- Bikes Just Move People
The idea of a bike as a leisurely activity or "green" travel alternative is absent. It's just practical. If you're between 20-80 years old then you own and ride a bike. It is so casual that it is not unlikely for you to see either a twentysomething managing to steer while texting his homeboys or a grandmother pumping down the street with a cigaretter hanging limply out the side of her mouth.

6- Whole Prices
It's such a relief. The tax is worked into everything and there's none of that "$Blank.99" garbage. I know its gonna roll over to a higher digit when I take it up front. You know it. Everybody knows it. Who's still fooled?

5- Rambling Cashiers
In the southern tradition I was taught to nod at cashiers, trade a "How are ya?", and be about my business. Here, it simply does not compute. Cashiers begin an automatic monologue that runs from the time you give them the item until you're out the door. They must say it 300 times a day and another 200 to the customers in their sleep. They're on autopilot and if you break the script with niceties, if you interact, they fumble a little, nod and try and pick it back up further down the line. When it first happened I thought they were trying to tell me something secretly without looking me in the eyes like in spy movies. "Don't look now, but you're target is at the dogfood. I said, 'Don't look!'. You can take him outside but you'll need to use your silencer. Hurry, our windows about to close on this one."

4- Smokings Huge
You can smoke in restaurants. Someplaces let you smoke at work. There's vending machines every 5 blocks. Old people smoke. Young people smoke. Babies... babies chew tobacco until their stubby little fingers can work around a lighter and then they smoke.

3- People Don't Give Change to the Homeless
One student asked me why we did it in North America and I just couldn't translate 'nagging moral imperative'.

2- Auld Lang Syne
At least all across Osaka, Auld Lang Syne is played in every store at closing time. It's like a mini New Year without booze, hope or resolutions.

1- Public Drunkenness
Liquors even made its way into vending machines. That, on top of a great public transportation system, puts students and salary men alike on the alchy shuffle from bar to bar and train to train all over the city. "Yeah, you drink on the streets. Why wouldn't you?" Most times you can smell the vomit before you step in it but the odds are really against you on a Saturday night when its pasted so liberally about the streets.

Wait, you're not kidding?

I was lied to. There is no heater function on the AirCon system in my apartment. I have figured this out while the temperature outside is 38 degrees. In my apartment it is 40 degrees.
I just saw my breath.
This sucks.
I wanted a hot water bottle to stick under the covers. I boiled water and tried pouring it into an old water bottle from my recycling pile. It melted in my sink. I have a better post coming up in a day or two but I thought this was pretty damned funny, or at least it will be in the morning when their is a sun and warmth again in the world.